mars and venus...

... sometimes i wonder if guys purposely misbehave just to annoy us... lately i already have so many things in my head... i don't need anybody to get on my nervs by acting like a child for no reason... is it just me, or it's really like that?

just to let you know...

... that i am doing a bit better... after a small clash with someone, i think we all have a better idea of how we actually feel...
i don't know if this is enough, but it is certainly a start... so there needs to be a continuation... which will require a lot of work from my side... because i will have to show more my vulnerability... which is something that just doesn't come natural with everybody...
why am i being so cryptic?! i still miss my two angels... they would know who they are... but they probably will never read this... but they know i miss them anyways...
hm... was trying to find some pics to put here, but i don't really have many... my weekend resolution will be to take more pics... of the house, the place, the nature... and me, of course... ;-)

plans...

skype is a good invention... a brilliant one!!! i spoke to timon the other day and it must have taken us probably 3 minutes before we made a plan for him and christy to come to flavio and cinzia's wedding... haha... well... i don't know if most of you would call it a plan, but timon and i call it like that... most details we don't know yet, but they are coming... sleeping at my house one night on the way down and one night on the way up... we are possibly also trying to go to rome for a day... i need to find a guide, 'cause i've been to rome just once and don't really know my way around... man, i am so excited... also because i can drive up to germany with them and can go visit heike, alex (she doesn't know yet...), maybe my friend from university who lives now in innsbruck... wow... something to look forward to... definitely... last time i saw cnt they were the ones getting married... and last time i saw my soulsister was genuary 2005... an eternity ago... hey heiks, remember this?

ohne aermel kann man jetzt nicht mehr rumlaufen auf der doulos... hm...

stream of thoughs...

where do i start?! it's always advisable to start from the beginning... but where is the beginning?! maybe it's when i started asking God (see? i do capitalise some things!!!) to break me... two months ago after the sharjah line up i thought already i was broken into pieces... but i had no idea what i was gonna face next... and when i say next i don't necessarely mean right after that, i actually mean now... not that i am facing a disaster... but i am definitely learning some tough lessons... like total dependency on God and all this... it is much easier said than done... let's just take the whole line up in malaysia situation... i so wanted to go to thailand, that being here is being one of the hardest things i've had to do... challenging under many points of view... also giving up the weekend in phuket has not been easy at all... but at least now i have come to accept it... it's still sad that i cannot go, but i am not angry anymore...
i don't know what's wrong with me... i am so irritable... not that i am usually an angel, but i am usually not the witch i am being these days... i often prefer to be by myself, which is also very wierd, because i am usually scared of being alone... not scared because i am afraid of the bad wolf, but scared in the sense that it depresses me...
and i feel so lonely at times...
and... and... and...

... what i want...

... is not necessarely what i need... and what i get is not necessarely what i want, but most certainly what i need... a hard lesson i am learning right now... just thought i share it with you guys...
have a great day!

... a brand new week

has started... i read this morning about being faithful in the small things, in order to be entrusted with bigger things... which brought my memories back to the diego line up, where we were learning memory verses every day... "unless you are faithful in the small matters, you won't be faithful in the large ones"... i forgot the reference, but i still remember the verse... it made me even more nostalgic... i miss you guys sooooo much!

i made it...

after 3 hours at starbucks with the wireless connection... it's free, but you need to order something, so i had to have a few frappuccino... but after 3 hours i think i set up the basics of my blog... aren't you proud of me? just a little bit? not at all?... well... i am... and i will let you know the address of my blog asap...

familiarising...

with this totally new world... well, it's new for me at least... but i kind of browsed through other people's stuff... and i find it really interesting... an easy way to share your thoughts with the rest of the world... at least with those with a voyeur spirit... and the rest of the world after you've been on doulos becomes so much smaller...
two things you need to know about me...
first thing... i hate capital letters, so i never capitalise anything... almost anything... there is one thing i always capitalise... you'll find out what it is...
second thing... i litterally abuse the three dots ... you need to understand that these ... are the pauses i would make if you and i were having a conversation right now... it's the time i take to think what to say next...
well... so much as introduction... the rest either you know already or you'll find out along the way...
ah... almost forgot to say where i am now... have a look at the picture... you guess...