... wait for the unexpected...

nobody has ever said this better...

2011-10-20T21:33:00.002+02:00

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

my heart will trust

2011-04-03T12:36:00.004+02:00

i've had a nice chat with one of y ship's friends... it's been nice to talk to someone who really understands what you are talking about...
and then i ran into this song...

i'll walk closer now on the higher way
through the darkest night will You hold my hand
Jesus guide my way

o You mourn with me and You dance with me
for my heart of hearts is bound to You

though I walk through valleys low
i'll fear no evil
by the waters still my soul,
my heart will trust in You

o You counsel me and You comfort me
when I cannot see,
You light my path

my heart will trust in You

encouraging... just what i needed...
starting the day with a smile on my face is a nice feeling :)

God-incidences

2011-02-13T10:32:00.002+01:00

:) i learnt this word from someone on the ship... can't remember who, but i am sure it was on the ship...
here is my God-incidence for the day...
this morning i was late for church... so i decided to have my own little service, at home... some worship music and an online sermon (which i still have to choose)...
how about chris tomlin? i thought to myself... i know almost all his songs and i like to sing along when i listen to music...
track 2 is "holy is the Lord"... i remember i heard this song for the first time at pre-ship, in that freezing hotel in kotor... during a spontaneous worship night daniel uhm asks "do you guys know holy is the lord?" and then he starts singing... wow.. that guy has a voice, i thought... and what a song!!!
the god-incidence is that i was reminded of this today, feb 13... 7 years ago tomorrow the kotor pre-ship boarded the ship for the first time to help cleaning after dry dock... i was assigned to the section 6 bathrooms... and seeing the cabins i remember thinking "oh god, please not here"... and there it is, my name on one of the section six doors... God has a great sense of humor, doesn't he?

and while i am at it.. here is what made me almost cry...
i love these moments on my own... and i love to share them with the people i love... :)

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
...
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God

Great is Your love and justice God
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Sing with me
How great is our God,
And all will see
How great is our God
...
Father, Spirit, Son
the Lion and the Lamb
...
My heart will sing
How great is our God
Name above all names
You are worthy of all praise

Lift up your gaze
Be lifted up
Tell everyone
How great the love
The love come down
From heaven's gate
To kiss the earth
With hope and grace
Sing
Who is this King of Glory?
The Lord, strong and mighty
...
There is one God
He is Holy
There is one Lord
Over everything
There is one King
He is Jesus
King of glory
Strong and mighty

wake up call

2011-01-31T22:53:00.002+01:00

this morning i had a very nice wake up call... my dad...
and he did want anything... he just wanted to say hello and to ask how i was...
the small big pleasures of life...

memories

2011-01-30T15:22:00.003+01:00

... this morning i went to a new church in the area i had never been to before... it was a bit of a strange service since a lady from the church died this morning and the church did not want to act as if nothing had happend...
at some point a lady stands up and reads hebrew 12:1-2... memories come back, wild...
sri lanka, port orientation, over christmas, can't remember which year... seelan had read those same verses... and every once in a while i still think about them, in that context... a great cloud of witnesses... in the midst of 350 people from 50 different countries... that's indeed a great cloud... and a special cloud... i couldn't help it... tears came to my eyes... the lady next to me must have wondered why i was crying, since i don't know the lady who passed away... but she doesn't know me... she doesn't know what this passage means to me...
so i came home, i decided to email seelan about it... and i read carlien's blog... guess what... i read that the ship was sailing over new years, through the suez canal first and then into the read sea... and where was i on new years? on the sinai peninsula... no wonder ship's memories became so alive again those days...
seeing jordan from israel knowing that the last time i was there i was on the other side, looking at israel from jordan... the people i was with, the jokes we cracked on the decks, the shawarmas we ate... the blessings we received... the fellowship we shared...

waiting...

2010-07-03T09:36:00.003+02:00

i am sitting at school, waiting for 2 students who had a lesson with me at 9 this morning, but decided not to show up, with no notice...
i don't mind so much when people don't show up, but i do mind when it happens 2 days in a row, at 9 in the morning...
i could have slept an extra hour...
anyone wants to drop by and have a coffee?

"long long time ago...

2010-06-26T17:19:00.002+02:00

... i can still remember", said an old song by Madonna... well, long long time ago i decided to start a blog... only to forget about it when facebook arrived...
i like the idea of keeping a journal online, but i miss the constancy to do it... i post every other year, or so...
in the meantime i became an english teacher and i moved to monza... it happened about 6 months ago, but i am still settling in... why is it so hard to make new friends, find a suitable church, have a social life???
well, i am back online now... i'll try to update you about my adventures in monza...
:)

bring the rain

2009-07-03T09:40:00.002+02:00

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

ho acceso l'ipod stamattina... erano giorni che non lo facevo... c'era questa canzone... non credo di averla mai sentita prima di stamattina... no, non lo so che cosa ci facesse sul mio ipod una canzone che non conosco... ma c'era... e ho sorriso...

dammi gioia, dammi pace
dammi l'opportunità di essere libero
dammi tutto ciò che ti da gloria
so che ci saranno giorni
in cui la vita porterà dolore
ma se è quello che serve per lodare te
Gesù allora manda la pioggia

in italiano non rende per niente...
cmq stamattina, ascoltandola, ho sorriso...
:)

... amore bello...

2009-06-16T13:00:00.001+02:00

cosi' vai via non scherzare no
domani via per favore no
devo convincermi pero' che non e' nulla
ma le mie mani tremano
in qualche modo io dovro' restare a galla
e cosi' te ne vai cosa mi e' preso adesso
forse mi scriverai ma si,e' lo stesso
cosi' vai via l'ho capito sai
che vuoi che sia se tu devi vai
mi sembra gia' che non potro' piu' farne a meno
mentre i minuti passano
forse domani correro' dietro il tuo treno tu non scordarmi mai
com' e' banale adesso
balliamo ancora dai ma si e'lo stesso
amore bello come il cielo
bello come il giorno
bello come il mare
amore ma non lo so dire
amore bello come un bacio
bello come il buio
bello come Dio
amore mio non te ne andare
perche'e' cosi'
no non e' giusto se e' cosi'
se te ne vai
se te ne vai
perche' e' cosi'
perche' finisce tutto qui
fra poco andrai
un lento l'ultimo oramai
e fare finta che ne so d'essere matto
piangere urlare dire no
non serve a niente gia' lo so e'finito tutto
e se tu caso mai ma non mi senti adesso
balliamo ancora dai ma si e'lo stesso
amore bello come il cielo
bello come il giorno
bello come il mare
amore ma non lo so dire
amore bello come un bacio
bello come il buio
bello come Dio
amore mio non te ne andare
vai via cosi' no non e'giusto se e' cosi'
sei bella sai sei bella sai
vai via cosi' finisce allora tutto qui
fra poco andrai un lento l'ultimo oramai

quant'è vera sta canzone... vero?

2009-05-12T16:48:00.001+02:00

It gets harder every day,
but I can’t seem to shake the pain
I’m trying to find the words to say… please stay,
it’s written all over my face,
I can’t function the same when you’re not here
I’m calling your name and no one’s there
and I hope one day you’ll see nobody has it easy,
I still can’t believe you found somebody new
but I wish you the best, I guess.
‘cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
how to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
we’ve heard it all before, that everybody knows
how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try
one more try
one more try
‘cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows

I don’t care what the people say
they brought it all in anyway
baby don’t fill up your head with he said, she said
it seems like you just don’t know
the radio’s on, you tuning me out,
I’m trying to speak, you’re turning me down
and I hope one day you’ll see nobody has it easy,
I still can’t believe you found somebody knew
but I wish you the best, I guess.
‘cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
how to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
we’ve heard it all before, that everybody knows
how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try
one more try
one more try
one more try
‘cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows

Oh I wish you’d understand
oh, just an ordinary man
listen we’d have known
everybody knows, but nobody really knows
and I know one day you’ll see, nobody has it easy
I still can’t believe you found somebody knew
I wish you the best, I guess.

‘cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
how to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
we’ve heard it all before, that everybody knows
how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try
one more try
one more try
one more try
‘cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows

everybody knows - john legend

la felicità non è avere quello che si desidera, ma desiderare quello che si ha

2009-04-15T12:05:00.002+02:00

chi l'avrebbe detto che oscar wilde era anche un saggio...

felicità, desideri, cose possedute... in questi giorni è stato un casino distinguere le 3 cose...

cmq ha ragione lui... la chiave è desiderare quello che si ha... non viceversa...

di cose ne abbiamo tante, tutti... ma come mai, a prescindere da quanto abbiamo, vogliamo sempre di più? ma come mai vogliamo sempre altro? o altri? ouch...

mi fermo qui... forse ho già anche detto troppo...

annoyed...

2008-11-23T20:56:00.002+01:00

i wonder... why don't i just stop caring about people? why don't i just think about what suits me best, instead of trying to be nice and please others? i don't know... but i think i should... it would mean less emotional exposure, less involvement, less disappointment...
my sister booked 4 places to go to a blind dinner... one of them was supposed to be mine... until she decided to invite someone else, and pretended that our conversation about me going to that dinner with her never happend... just as she did last summer... when i offered to go camping with her over the midsummer week and she said she was definitely not going on holiday that week... in the end she went exactly that week and ended up camping on her own cause her two friends she went with were retarded...
this week i was supposed to stay over at a friend's house, cause she was alone... and because we wanted to use the time to catch up a little... then i found out she had invited someone else too... not that i need to be the only one all the time... but it's not that we hang out all the time... and i thought this time was supposed to be for us... she probably thought something different...
and i am not taking it the best way possible...

itching...

2008-05-01T12:48:00.004+02:00

my fingers were sort of itching... not really, but i read it on heike's blog and sort of liked the expression... so here we are... here i am, at least... facebook sort of took the place of everybody's blog... well, my life is going on... is happening... without me knowing how much influence i can have or i have on what actually happens to me... sometimes i think i am being passive... not liking what is happening, not doing anything to change it...
i was talking to jeff the other day... he said something that sort of hit me... he said: you can't stear a ship that is not moving... i think it's something "uncle" george said many times...
u gotta move, u gotta try make a step in one direction... any direction... God will take it from there... adjust your course to where he wants to lead you...
i was feeling very unsatisfied at work, i wanted to leave, go away...
as soon as i "decided" i was gonna go away, i was gonna try to move to a different country, i started feeling better about what i do now...
as soon as i started moving the ship, and stear it towards a different country, my mindset changed about my own...
for months i thought God was using this year to make clear to me that this is NOT where i belong, that this is NOT where i am supposed to be... now i am not so sure anymore...
i am still very confused... but got my smile back... :-)

i thought i lost it...

2008-02-21T17:24:00.002+01:00

now, you tell me if this is normal...
i was setting up a different blog... for compassion... and as you all know very well, i am not an IT queen... so, basically what happend is that i thought for the entire afternoon that i could not access my blog anymore... i know, now with facebook and all that, who needs a blog? but i still like to jurnalise on here every once in a while... anyways, it's all good now...

... something else i took with me from tanzania...

2007-12-29T11:29:00.001+01:00

i don't think i wrote about this before, but i have now 2 sponsored children with compassion... well, actually 1 and a half, because one i sponsor together with my sister...

but this last one i got, is one of the children i got to meet when i was over there... and it's awesome to meet a child, and then decide to become his sponsor...

his name is joseph... and he is 6, turning 7 in june... and i know you must be dying to see a picture of this creature... so there it is...

now you tell me... how can you not fall in love with this creature?!?! he's the one i am holding... the other kid was just there... and the person who took the picture probably didn't know how to zoom...

anyways... he's an acrobat too... check this out...

i know, the picture is not very sharp... sorry, i suck... but you can tell what he's doing...

a tip... make a difference in someone's life... sponsor a child today (http://www.compassion.com/; http://www.compassion.it/)

back from tanzania...

2007-12-01T13:11:00.000+01:00

... in love with africa more than ever... if possible...
their eyes, their smiles, their skin... them, just them... african people, in their simplicity, have captured my heart once again... i wish i stayed there... i wish i didn't have to leave, i wish all it takes is a packed bag and a plane ticket, one way...
maybe that's all it takes, after all... learing to live the way they do probably takes much effort, but surely it does not require resources of any kind... just a willing heart...

i have a heavy heart today... and it's not just because i've just come back from this trip... it's heavy because it's lonely... i thought, after a long time, maybe this loneliness found an end... but it's sadly not so... i wish i could say that i don't care, but i can't, 'cause i care...

feeling inspired...

2007-11-05T20:24:00.000+01:00

... well, maybe inspiration is too big of a word... but i just thought i post a copy of the wine label i created for mws tour... very simple, but i quite like it... it's an opportuinty for all of you to appreciate my, let's say, creativity... lol...

the quote is something, isn't it? lol...

respect...

2007-10-18T19:41:00.000+02:00

i had a "discussion" with someone at my office (the person who happens to be my "boss" - as much as i hate this word...) about respect...
for this big event of mws in italy, i forgot to follow up on something someone else had done... not on purpose, of course... as i said, i forgot... if it had been on purpose, i would have said "i purposely didn't do as i was told, cause i knew better" or something along this line...
the feeling of making a mistake is already not one's favourite feeling... if your boss practically tells you that the fact that you omitted something shows a lack of respect towards the work of someone else, well... that does not make you feel better, does it?
respect... i wonder if he even knows about respect... arranging a big event, or actually arranging any event, involves relationship building... word given to someone about things that need to happen... it involves a lot of efforts...
and i wonder if it shows respect when your boss comes and changes some of the things that were already set, without even telling you... or raises his voice to speak to you when he has no reason to do it, especially in front of people... mws himself or the cleaning lady... it doesn't even matter... i don't raise my voice when i speak to him... he has no right to do it with me... i am not deaf, not yet, and i can hear just as well at the normal, civil volume...
my reward after the show was knowing that mws, the management and the band really enjoyed working with me... joey said "you understand us... and i am not referring to the language... we want to work more with you..." this is my reward... cause in the office, all it was said so far is that i lacked respect...
my reward was seeing the crowd in "standing ovation" when the heard the first notes of agnus dei... the song i ask to add to the list...
my reward was mws coming to hug me thank you for the gift i brought for home - a bottle of my dad's wine - , even if i was told in the office that we need to focus on the more important things...
my reward was glenn saying he'd like to have a copy of the lable - something i had worked on in the middle of the night, to make it special... even if my boss had made the comment that i needed to focus on the more important things...
my reward was joey's face when he saw the welcome home sign on the bus... and his thank you for the little home made band who played traditional songs for him on the bus...

many other rewards...
i just wonder why all of them come from the outside... and none from the inside... inside of the office...

well... all i have to say is that i consider the naples concert a success... overall... all these other issues are just hickups... i just wonder why people see problems where there are none...

oh, i have to say something else... i know it's not all about rewards... i have learnt not to do it for the rewards... or for the boss... or anyone else... as we say on the ship (i know i am not there anymore, but my sense of belonging to the ship is still as strong as ever...), it's not what you do, but who you're doing it for... He will give you the reward you deserve... nothing more, nothing less... i guess that's what keeps me going... i guess that's what keeps His people going...

change...

2007-10-07T23:04:00.000+02:00

i felt i had to change something... so i changed the template of my blog... maybe it's a first step towards blogging more... or maybe i was just bored and changed it...
man, it's already 11pm and i am still up doing stuff... i told myself i was gonna go sleep early... why do i even believe myself when i say this? lol... well, maybe i go...

coming soon... mws in italy...

2007-10-07T14:32:00.000+02:00

i should really update this blog more often... sometimes it feels like i blink, and BANG... a month is already over... gone...
last friday i was able to go to karlsruhe for michael w smith's concert... i had never been to one before... and if i was already excited about the concert in naples coming up soon, now that i have seen one, i can't even explain how i feel... it will be an honour to be a host for michael and his band and all his entourage... i am really looking forward to see them all again... and i hope i will be able to spend some more meaningful time with them...

bold lines...

2007-09-08T22:02:00.000+02:00

i got more than one... just having a good chat with a few precious friends... so now i put my smile back on... and feel a lot better... thank YOU and thank you guys... you know who you are...

on of those days again...

2007-09-08T17:01:00.000+02:00

oh gosh... i feel so lonely it almost hurts...
maybe it's because i have nothing to do so i spend way too much time thinking, but i don't know if i can handle this for much longer...
it's another saturday, another weekend... another day that i'll probably spend at home, reading a book or chatting on yahoo with far away friends... i don't know what God is trying to teach me, but it is very painful... very hard... and i am not sure if i can do this a lot longer... actually i know i can't... and i feel stupid, cause i really have no reason to complain... i better off than a lot of other people i know or i've met... but maybe i am just not able to take on as much... i am reading this book where the main characters have this quite close relationship with God and whenever they are in difficulf situation, there it comes... His voice... printed bold in the book, for the reader to identify as well... and right now i'd love to have one of those bold lines...

nostalgic mood...

2007-07-14T11:43:00.000+02:00

... it is not always like that... most of the time i can really say that i am fine... but sometimes... BANG... it just hits me... and i just start missing it sooooooooooo much... the ship, life on the ship, people on the ship, jokes on the ship, even my messy cabin... the doulos is and will always be part of me... and i even miss talking about it... people at home do not understand, they don't want to hear... but you know what? they don't know what they are missing... my antidote to sadness is listening to worship music, with my eyes closed... pretending to be in the ML... surrounded by those wonderful people... and PTL for yahoo, skype, msn, facebook and all this other stuff... it really makes it easier... to keep in touch or even just to talk to someone who comes from your same planet when you think you can't cope with life anymore... i love you all, people... i really do... :-)

2007-05-05T15:00:00.000+02:00

man... where is everybody?!?! did the rapture happen and i was left behind?!?!

...

2007-04-04T04:11:00.000+02:00

it's funny how it always happens that when you manage to have your quite time for 2 days in a row and you think you are just gonna have a brilliant day cause you started it the right way... it never happens... i got up almost assuming that today my day was gonna be a good one... cause i started it with God... but less than 15 minutes later i was proven to be wrong... this day is not gonna be extremely good just because i started it with God... it is actually gonna be harder to make this day good precisely because of the way i started it... tough... but i don't have to do this on my own... does it even make sense?!?! well, to me it does... i already feel better...

it's cherry blossom time here... check this out...

i don't know if you are able to notice, but i also got a hair cut... finally!!!

... just so that you don't forget how i look...

2007-03-26T05:34:00.000+02:00

naomi and i were being "camera-happy" last week... we took a million pictures of eachother... with all kinds of expressions... in this one right here i was looking up at her saying "what are you doing?"... haha
and this is her, kind of doing the same thing...

sooo frustrating...

2007-03-22T10:42:00.000+01:00

oh my goodness...
here i am, listening to my favourite song lately... thinking: what the heck am i doing here? able to do nothing by myself, not even a phone call... depending on people who are willing to help only with the things they feel comfortable with (= hardly anything, since the doulos is something they are totally not familiar with...)... getting upset at everyone and noone, everything and nothing at the same time... smiling outside, screaming inside... i must be getting crazy...

my favourite song lately...

2007-03-12T08:10:00.000+01:00

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart?
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapour in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me?
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours I am Yours

sushi party... for my b-day...

2007-03-06T15:43:00.000+01:00

how many people can say that they have celebrated their 30th birthday in japan with 2 real japanese dudes making home made sushi and tempura for them... not many, huh?!?!

check this out...

crossing the line...

2007-02-28T11:44:00.000+01:00

tomorrow... i am crossing the line... i will start having 3 in front of the number indicating my age... i leave the twenties... and get into the thirties... OH MY GOODNESS!!! you try to get used to idea... but i believe it'll still be a shock... please don't forget to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY... :-)

day off... in fukuoka...

2007-02-17T14:22:00.000+01:00

... you probably could not care less, but i could sleep in this morning... and it felt soooooo good, waking up at 9 and beeing able to turn around a keep sleeping... it would have been nicer it i was on a bed, rather than on a thin matress on the floor... but yeah, this is japan... in our current accommodation there is not one single chair... can you believe it?! but anyways, naomi and i made it all the way to downtown, all by ourselves... met other 2 crazy americans, went to the asian arts museum (they paid for us... how sweet! haha) and then for coffee at seattle's best coffee... which made me think of jacob and jeff... obviously because they are from there... then we went window shopping, cause we cannto afford anything in this country... and then met makoto later and went for sushi... sooooooo good... well, somebody's got to do the hard work, isn't it? tomorrow we get to go to an international church, which is very exciting, cause we will be able to understand the service, for a change... have a nice sunday, you all!!!

i did it...

2007-02-08T06:04:00.000+01:00

they brought me to the public bath... and i have to say that it was less traumatic than i thought it would be... for these people it's so normal, that after a few minutes of uneasiness, it became ALMOST normal for me as well... not quite normal... that's why no pictures... haha

japan is an experience...

2007-02-07T03:06:00.000+01:00

well... not so much of a cutlure shock... thank God i came prepared... this place is extremely clean... i can't read any of the signs, cause they are all in japanese... even turning the heating on in my room is a challenge, or at leat was a challenge before i memorized which botton i have to press... toilets are interesting, but i won't talk about that right now... the scary thing is that they want to take me to the public bath... where people go completely nacked... at least men and women are separated... but how will i look at my collegue in the same way knowing that we saw each other nacked?! help!!!

back on the net...

2007-02-06T02:55:00.000+01:00

hello everyone... or as they'd say here in japan... minasan konichiwa...
just ti say that i am back on the blog... and on the net! it's freezing cold here... i'll have to see if i can borrow more warm clothes from someone... as far as i understand there should be some available at someone's house... God is good... maybe i'll even find those black shoes i was so desperately trying to find on the ship...
hope to hear from you... please please please, leave some comments...

if you want to walk on water, you gotta get out of the boat...

2006-12-14T15:07:00.000+01:00

have you ever read this book... if not, make sure you do so asap... it's great...
we have been reading this book as a team every morning for the past almost 2 months... and it's been a blessing... there is so much more to this story of peter walking on the water, then what we usually focus on... this morning, for example, i was touched and encouraged by the thought that it's not about how much we can handle, but it's about how much God wants to use us for... and this is not new to any of you, i am sure... neither it is to me... but in times like this, where the ship is only 5 days away and so many things still need to be finalised... and we are getting sick... and, and, and... it's not about how much i can handle... it's about how much God wants to use me for... isn't that comforting?! i think it is... indeed...

aren't we cute?!?!

2006-12-04T13:58:00.000+01:00

... i know... this last one is not really sharp... but i think it's sooo... well, just us... maybe you can just look better at our pretty faces in the other one... 3 angels... aren't we?!

for all those who requested them... that is only you, heiks...

2006-12-02T10:24:00.000+01:00

from top to bottom... the doulos people at the wedding, the couple and the 2 witnesses, that is su ray and me... su ray for flavio and me for cinzia...

... the secret language again...

2006-11-29T10:30:00.000+01:00

mamma mia... sti ultimi due giorni sono stati un inferno...ancora a caccia di i-nite venue a 3 settimane dall'arrivo della nave... il tipo continua a darsi scadenze e a non rispettarle... oggi sono andata a vedere altri due posti... si era detto di dare la priorita a qs i-nite venue, ma poi come al solito le promesse non sono state mantenute... e quindi punto e a capo... in piu, volevamo andare a buracay con seelan quando viene a trovarci... ma lui arriva ven tardi e non ce la facciamo a prendere l'ultimo traghetto per l'isola spettacolo... che nervi... e andare solo per una notte, non val la pena... lo so che c'e gente che muore di fame e che non e il caso di essere cosi drammatici... ma in qs giorni mi sembra che la legge di murphy mi abbia presa di mira... tutto cio che puo andare storto, va effettivamente storto... e ogni tanto mi devo solo sfogare...

fra...

2006-11-25T07:42:00.000+01:00

... non credo proprio che serva essere un blogger per lasciare commenti... ci riesce persino mia madre, e lei non credo proprio che sia una blogger... haha
cercavo una foto recente di noi due, ma qs e l'unica che ho trovato... oh, ma possibile che non ce la siamo fatta una foto da sole io e te quando ci siamo viste?!?! vabbe... no comment...
un abbraccio... forte... e se vuoi venire a trovarmi, lo sai che il posto c'e... hint hint...

thinking about the good times in koeln...

2006-11-22T13:02:00.000+01:00

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there
Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey, hey
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

the part i love the most is.. did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there... i wonder... am i missing someone while looking for myself?!

me... and my randomness...

2006-11-19T05:51:00.001+01:00

i am a simple person... and i like simple things...
i love waking up in the middle of the night and think that i still have a buch of hours to sleep...
i like the smell of the rain...
i love the smell of the just mown grass...
i love surprising people...
i love being surprised by people...
i love singing at the top of my lungs when noone is listening...
i cry watching the kids playing a drama in the ML...
i cry when we sing all toegther in the ML "let your glory fall in this room, let it go forth from here to the nations..."
i like calling people not by their first name...
i like it when someone calls me something that is not my name...
i hate it when people call me emma with 2 m, because it's not my name...
i love being with people...
i hate being by myself...
i love watching the belly of a mum to be growing...
i cry holding a baby in my arms, amazed at the helplesness of that baby... thinking about my own helplessness...
i hate argueing... but i care way too much about what people think about me... and i hate it when i am being misinterpreted... so i tend to waste too many words in a useless attempt to explain myself...
i love hugs... and physical touch in general...
i love languages... different people, different races, different colours... my little piece of heaven...
i love to hear someone singing alto next to me... and i love it even more wheh i manage to sing it myself...
i like it when someone scratches my back... and i love doing it to other people...
i love making people smile... with a joke, with a surprise, with a gift, with a smile...
i don't like it when someone is hurt... regardless of if i am involved in the situation or not... it just breaks my heart knowing that someone is not doing well... and i'll try doing something about it... even if it doesn't always work...
i love giving gifts for no reason...
i usually cry when i sit in the audience and watch the i-nite finale...
i like laying down somewhere where is pitchdark and watch the stars...
i like listening to my father cracking jokes in our dialect...
i like teasing...
i love being teased...
i love God... and wish i was able to love others His way...
i feel pain for those who don't love Him...
i feel sorry for those who chose not to love Him...
i like romantic comedies...
i love laughing... and making other people laugh...
i don't like diplomacy, politics and formalities in general...
i love walking around barefeet...
i don't like feeling under trial all the time...
i don't like being afraid of making a mistake...
i don't like being scared in general...
i like big hands in a man...
i hate not being able to show my genuine love to someone... in a way that they understand it...
i don't like not being able to have normal conversation with someone i really esteme...
i don't like it when i don't understand... but i know i don't always have to understand...
i love it when i know someone is there for me no matter what... and i love it even more when someone knows that i'll be there for them, no matter what...
i love coffee...
i like kissing someone i like staring at him in the eyes...
i like compliments, even though i don't know how to handle them...
i love it when all it takes is a look...

in a radom order... but this is pretty much who i am...

day off...

2006-11-11T05:50:00.000+01:00

aahh... so nice when you go to bed one evening knowing that you don't have to set your alarm clock for the next day, isn't it? i love waking up in the middle of the nigth, look at my watch and see that i still have 2, 3, 4 more hours of sleep... and i love that especially on my days off, because no matter what time it is when i wake up in the middle of the night or in the early morning, i can still have 2, 3, 4... hours of sleep... the small joys of life... the simplicity of the joys of life... well... let's see... what's on the plan for the day? i think a nice swim... and then a movie somewhere... and probably also dinner somewhere nice... not necessarely in this order... ah, and of course... we need to take some pictures... of the place... and of our pretty faces... what else? mmm... i think that's it...

getting around in bacolod...

2006-10-26T14:20:00.000+02:00

... i don't need to comment that... do i?

41 now...

2006-10-26T13:40:00.000+02:00

now that i am in the philippines... the number of visited countries goes up to 41... which would happen even if i was in cambodia... hint hint...

back to "normal life"...

2006-10-26T13:12:00.000+02:00

... most people would call normal life the one they conduct at home... the ship has become normal life for me... extraordinarily normal... is "extraordinarily" even a word? anyways... back on the ship for 5 days and then off again... i'd love to be in cambodia now... but i have to be here... kurt asked me why i even joined line up... well... no comment... ;-) during the 5 short days on the ship i had to prepare for bacolod, where i am now, which i did in a very let's say light way... and also spend time with some people... kary and bonny are leaving before the ship gets here... it was sad to say goodbye... i still haven't gotten used to goodbyes... and i also spend time with other special people... yeah yeah... i also went to the market and got another pair of those fisherman trousers... crowded the market, huh?!

... old friends...

2006-10-18T02:15:00.000+02:00

... that you never thought you'd see or talk to again... and then you talk to them again and it seems like time never went by... isn't it amazing? it's been good talking to you... you know who you are... you have not changed... hope to show you my neck sometimes soon... maybe i'll even let you touch it...

a new haircut... don't i look even nicer?!

2006-10-10T14:47:00.000+02:00

i know... you don't really see too much of my haircut... it's actually not that different... but now it looks cooler... i am at alex's place now... she started calling me "cow eyes"... i am trying to explain to her that "deer eyes" would be much nicer... but she does not seem to understand that... she says my eyes are the biggest ever... but i don't really get that comment that often... it must be just her... who was the kiss for? but you, of course...

40 countries so far...

2006-10-10T14:33:00.000+02:00

just so that you know... these 40 countries were not exactly only turism... but part of me... i am sure those of you who read this know what i am talking about...
is this considered boasting?! naaaa

create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide

half way through...

2006-09-28T12:39:00.000+02:00

time really flies... 3 weeks alrealy gone... 3 weeks left... i am trying to go see as many people as possible, show them my pictures... find out about their lives... trying to catch up...
last sunday i got to share at my church... i was a bit concerned that i would be kind of bored of the service, because after 2,5 years of sunday services on board, i am used to a different style... of worship especially... God surprised me again... as we were singing one of those hymns, i liked the melody... sometimes i get distracted by the music and forget to think about the words... i almost started crying when we sang "He won hell and death"... i actually did cry... i wish i waited for the unexpected more often, instead of deceiving myself and expect the least from every situation, so that i cannot be disappointed... God is so much greater than anything i could ever imagine...

visiting friends...

2006-09-16T14:59:00.000+02:00

wow... i have been home for just over a week and i already flew to naples once... and now i am going to visit friends all over the places... it's exciting... i am trying to visit as many people as possible... catch up with them... the wedding was great... i should post some pictures... but have not had time to sit down at the computer properly and write all this down... now i have to run again... have to go pack for my trip around italy... kind of...

home again...

2006-09-09T19:21:00.000+02:00

for 6 weeks... so weird... i really feel out of place... a fish out of the water... don't know how to relate to people anymore... sometimes i feel invisible for others... at the wedding today i wanted to run away... go find a quite place... with noone around... i was so scared to come home... and now i see that i had more than enough reasons to be scared... it is not all in my mind, it really is difficult to fit into this reality again... i don't think i could fit here long term ever again... i know i cannot... a further confirmation that God really must have another plan... but what is it God? where do you want me to go?
tomorrow another wedding... cinzia's... i am so excited to go... it will be good... tiring but good... God, please let these not be the longest 6 weeks of my life... please please please...

... who reads this anyway?!

2006-07-26T19:57:00.000+02:00

... a-team is awesome... i was wrong again with all my preconceived ideas... i cannot believe i lived my whole life thinking that my first impressions are right... i don't even wanna know how much i missed out in life... tonight naomi and i went to 2 cell meetings... we thought we go to one, but in the car they told us we go to two houses... so we kinda had to improvise a little... a lot... but hey... that's the ship and its randomness... but anyways... on our way back, the guy driving the van decided to take a "small nap", as he said... he just pulled off and startet snoring... we were wondering how long we were gonna be stuck in the middle of nowhere for, taking a nap at quarter past midnight... and who was gonna wake him up... luckily enough, he woke up by himself after less than 10 minutes... then he wanted to invite us for coffee, tea or milo... at almost 1am... crazy stuff... i should write more about tonight, cause it was hilarious... but it's almost 2am now... i gotta go get some sleep...

i know... it's been ages... i am still alive, though...

2006-07-21T10:38:00.000+02:00

... alive and well... enjoyed phuket more than anything... for more than one reason... made some new friends... went on break and got a tan, but now it's almost gone already... sabbath week was cool... i really took time to rest... hardly ever went off the ship cause it only makes more tired than anything else... had to face some challenges and stuff... dealing with one particulare situation i was not prepared for... but now i am fine again... most days... and for the rest of the days, i manage to survive... i know, this is all not very specific... but everybody reads this... i cannot go into detalis... now that i am back on the ship, i cannot really update this blog properly... so it's hard to catch up randomly every 2 months or so...

God is so much greater than all my small prayers...

2006-05-11T03:41:00.000+02:00

wow... for all these past 6 weeks i have been desperately looking for an opportunity to go to thailand, for a week end... the ship said no...it's impossible to go there for a day... i thought i had played all my cards... i was very disappointed... not necessarely upset, but just very sad that i could not go... i was praying... i could not understand why God wouldn't allow me to go... i mean, it's not a big thing that i was asking... just a weekend in thailand... then two days ago seelan calls me and says that he would like me to stay behing in penang, not go to langkawi and then rejoin the the ship in phuket... so i get to be there for the whole time... i almost cried when he told me... in His timing, He gave me so much more than i could ever ask... or imagine... and i am so excited... i already got my ticket to phuket... and cannot wait to go... these past 6 weeks of struggles seem just to be fading away... i am simply blown away... His eye is on the sparrow... indeed...

i had given up...

2006-05-05T04:14:00.000+02:00

... for real... you remember the whole thailand story? how i so wanted to go there but was not allowed and all this???... actually... have i ever written anything about this whole story? well... anyways... now the going to thailand becomes a must, because i have to go there to renew my visa... and God knew it... haha... the wait for the unexpected proved to be real, one more time...

just thought i should say something...

2006-05-04T03:03:00.000+02:00

... i miss the nature... i mean, there is a lot of nature out here, but it's a bit difficult to get to it without a car... taxis are kind of expensive, and also what should i say to the taxi man? please, take me to a parc... anywhere where there is some green...
hm... don't know if it's a good idea... God, i need you to surprise me with an amazing off day this coming saturday... with lots of green around me and possibly not too many people... i know you can do that... just, would you?!
i know... i am usually a people person... but maybe this is my season to be by myself... my introspective time... or maybe i am just growing old... :-(

you are an espresso...

2006-05-02T06:18:00.000+02:00

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic
At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung
You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping
Your caffeine addiction level: high

you are a sunrise...

2006-05-02T06:08:00.000+02:00

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

mars and venus...

2006-04-28T08:30:00.000+02:00

... sometimes i wonder if guys purposely misbehave just to annoy us... lately i already have so many things in my head... i don't need anybody to get on my nervs by acting like a child for no reason... is it just me, or it's really like that?

just to let you know...

2006-04-20T03:22:00.000+02:00

... that i am doing a bit better... after a small clash with someone, i think we all have a better idea of how we actually feel...
i don't know if this is enough, but it is certainly a start... so there needs to be a continuation... which will require a lot of work from my side... because i will have to show more my vulnerability... which is something that just doesn't come natural with everybody...
why am i being so cryptic?! i still miss my two angels... they would know who they are... but they probably will never read this... but they know i miss them anyways...
hm... was trying to find some pics to put here, but i don't really have many... my weekend resolution will be to take more pics... of the house, the place, the nature... and me, of course... ;-)

plans...

2006-04-18T03:06:00.000+02:00

skype is a good invention... a brilliant one!!! i spoke to timon the other day and it must have taken us probably 3 minutes before we made a plan for him and christy to come to flavio and cinzia's wedding... haha... well... i don't know if most of you would call it a plan, but timon and i call it like that... most details we don't know yet, but they are coming... sleeping at my house one night on the way down and one night on the way up... we are possibly also trying to go to rome for a day... i need to find a guide, 'cause i've been to rome just once and don't really know my way around... man, i am so excited... also because i can drive up to germany with them and can go visit heike, alex (she doesn't know yet...), maybe my friend from university who lives now in innsbruck... wow... something to look forward to... definitely... last time i saw cnt they were the ones getting married... and last time i saw my soulsister was genuary 2005... an eternity ago... hey heiks, remember this?

ohne aermel kann man jetzt nicht mehr rumlaufen auf der doulos... hm...

stream of thoughs...

2006-04-17T11:48:00.000+02:00

where do i start?! it's always advisable to start from the beginning... but where is the beginning?! maybe it's when i started asking God (see? i do capitalise some things!!!) to break me... two months ago after the sharjah line up i thought already i was broken into pieces... but i had no idea what i was gonna face next... and when i say next i don't necessarely mean right after that, i actually mean now... not that i am facing a disaster... but i am definitely learning some tough lessons... like total dependency on God and all this... it is much easier said than done... let's just take the whole line up in malaysia situation... i so wanted to go to thailand, that being here is being one of the hardest things i've had to do... challenging under many points of view... also giving up the weekend in phuket has not been easy at all... but at least now i have come to accept it... it's still sad that i cannot go, but i am not angry anymore...
i don't know what's wrong with me... i am so irritable... not that i am usually an angel, but i am usually not the witch i am being these days... i often prefer to be by myself, which is also very wierd, because i am usually scared of being alone... not scared because i am afraid of the bad wolf, but scared in the sense that it depresses me...
and i feel so lonely at times...
and... and... and...

... what i want...

2006-04-13T04:59:00.000+02:00

... is not necessarely what i need... and what i get is not necessarely what i want, but most certainly what i need... a hard lesson i am learning right now... just thought i share it with you guys...
have a great day!

... a brand new week

2006-04-10T06:43:00.000+02:00

has started... i read this morning about being faithful in the small things, in order to be entrusted with bigger things... which brought my memories back to the diego line up, where we were learning memory verses every day... "unless you are faithful in the small matters, you won't be faithful in the large ones"... i forgot the reference, but i still remember the verse... it made me even more nostalgic... i miss you guys sooooo much!

i made it...

2006-04-08T13:12:00.000+02:00

after 3 hours at starbucks with the wireless connection... it's free, but you need to order something, so i had to have a few frappuccino... but after 3 hours i think i set up the basics of my blog... aren't you proud of me? just a little bit? not at all?... well... i am... and i will let you know the address of my blog asap...

familiarising...

2006-04-08T11:50:00.000+02:00

with this totally new world... well, it's new for me at least... but i kind of browsed through other people's stuff... and i find it really interesting... an easy way to share your thoughts with the rest of the world... at least with those with a voyeur spirit... and the rest of the world after you've been on doulos becomes so much smaller...
two things you need to know about me...
first thing... i hate capital letters, so i never capitalise anything... almost anything... there is one thing i always capitalise... you'll find out what it is...
second thing... i litterally abuse the three dots ... you need to understand that these ... are the pauses i would make if you and i were having a conversation right now... it's the time i take to think what to say next...
well... so much as introduction... the rest either you know already or you'll find out along the way...
ah... almost forgot to say where i am now... have a look at the picture... you guess...