nobody has ever said this better...

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

my heart will trust

i've had a nice chat with one of y ship's friends... it's been nice to talk to someone who really understands what you are talking about...
and then i ran into this song...

i'll walk closer now on the higher way
through the darkest night will You hold my hand
Jesus guide my way

o You mourn with me and You dance with me
for my heart of hearts is bound to You

though I walk through valleys low
i'll fear no evil
by the waters still my soul,
my heart will trust in You

o You counsel me and You comfort me
when I cannot see,
You light my path

my heart will trust in You

encouraging... just what i needed...
starting the day with a smile on my face is a nice feeling :)

God-incidences

:) i learnt this word from someone on the ship... can't remember who, but i am sure it was on the ship...
here is my God-incidence for the day...
this morning i was late for church... so i decided to have my own little service, at home... some worship music and an online sermon (which i still have to choose)...
how about chris tomlin? i thought to myself... i know almost all his songs and i like to sing along when i listen to music...
track 2 is "holy is the Lord"... i remember i heard this song for the first time at pre-ship, in that freezing hotel in kotor... during a spontaneous worship night daniel uhm asks "do you guys know holy is the lord?" and then he starts singing... wow.. that guy has a voice, i thought... and what a song!!!
the god-incidence is that i was reminded of this today, feb 13... 7 years ago tomorrow the kotor pre-ship boarded the ship for the first time to help cleaning after dry dock... i was assigned to the section 6 bathrooms... and seeing the cabins i remember thinking "oh god, please not here"... and there it is, my name on one of the section six doors... God has a great sense of humor, doesn't he?

and while i am at it.. here is what made me almost cry...
i love these moments on my own... and i love to share them with the people i love... :)

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
...
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God

Great is Your love and justice God
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Sing with me
How great is our God,
And all will see
How great is our God
...
Father, Spirit, Son
the Lion and the Lamb
...
My heart will sing
How great is our God
Name above all names
You are worthy of all praise

Lift up your gaze
Be lifted up
Tell everyone
How great the love
The love come down
From heaven's gate
To kiss the earth
With hope and grace
Sing
Who is this King of Glory?
The Lord, strong and mighty
...
There is one God
He is Holy
There is one Lord
Over everything
There is one King
He is Jesus
King of glory
Strong and mighty

wake up call

this morning i had a very nice wake up call... my dad...
and he did want anything... he just wanted to say hello and to ask how i was...
the small big pleasures of life...

memories

... this morning i went to a new church in the area i had never been to before... it was a bit of a strange service since a lady from the church died this morning and the church did not want to act as if nothing had happend...
at some point a lady stands up and reads hebrew 12:1-2... memories come back, wild...
sri lanka, port orientation, over christmas, can't remember which year... seelan had read those same verses... and every once in a while i still think about them, in that context... a great cloud of witnesses... in the midst of 350 people from 50 different countries... that's indeed a great cloud... and a special cloud... i couldn't help it... tears came to my eyes... the lady next to me must have wondered why i was crying, since i don't know the lady who passed away... but she doesn't know me... she doesn't know what this passage means to me...
so i came home, i decided to email seelan about it... and i read carlien's blog... guess what... i read that the ship was sailing over new years, through the suez canal first and then into the read sea... and where was i on new years? on the sinai peninsula... no wonder ship's memories became so alive again those days...
seeing jordan from israel knowing that the last time i was there i was on the other side, looking at israel from jordan... the people i was with, the jokes we cracked on the decks, the shawarmas we ate... the blessings we received... the fellowship we shared...

waiting...

i am sitting at school, waiting for 2 students who had a lesson with me at 9 this morning, but decided not to show up, with no notice...
i don't mind so much when people don't show up, but i do mind when it happens 2 days in a row, at 9 in the morning...
i could have slept an extra hour...
anyone wants to drop by and have a coffee?

"long long time ago...

... i can still remember", said an old song by Madonna... well, long long time ago i decided to start a blog... only to forget about it when facebook arrived...
i like the idea of keeping a journal online, but i miss the constancy to do it... i post every other year, or so...
in the meantime i became an english teacher and i moved to monza... it happened about 6 months ago, but i am still settling in... why is it so hard to make new friends, find a suitable church, have a social life???
well, i am back online now... i'll try to update you about my adventures in monza...
:)

bring the rain

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

ho acceso l'ipod stamattina... erano giorni che non lo facevo... c'era questa canzone... non credo di averla mai sentita prima di stamattina... no, non lo so che cosa ci facesse sul mio ipod una canzone che non conosco... ma c'era... e ho sorriso...

dammi gioia, dammi pace
dammi l'opportunità di essere libero
dammi tutto ciò che ti da gloria
so che ci saranno giorni
in cui la vita porterà dolore
ma se è quello che serve per lodare te
Gesù allora manda la pioggia

in italiano non rende per niente...
cmq stamattina, ascoltandola, ho sorriso...
:)

... amore bello...

cosi' vai via non scherzare no
domani via per favore no
devo convincermi pero' che non e' nulla
ma le mie mani tremano
in qualche modo io dovro' restare a galla
e cosi' te ne vai cosa mi e' preso adesso
forse mi scriverai ma si,e' lo stesso
cosi' vai via l'ho capito sai
che vuoi che sia se tu devi vai
mi sembra gia' che non potro' piu' farne a meno
mentre i minuti passano
forse domani correro' dietro il tuo treno tu non scordarmi mai
com' e' banale adesso
balliamo ancora dai ma si e'lo stesso
amore bello come il cielo
bello come il giorno
bello come il mare
amore ma non lo so dire
amore bello come un bacio
bello come il buio
bello come Dio
amore mio non te ne andare
perche'e' cosi'
no non e' giusto se e' cosi'
se te ne vai
se te ne vai
perche' e' cosi'
perche' finisce tutto qui
fra poco andrai
un lento l'ultimo oramai
e fare finta che ne so d'essere matto
piangere urlare dire no
non serve a niente gia' lo so e'finito tutto
e se tu caso mai ma non mi senti adesso
balliamo ancora dai ma si e'lo stesso
amore bello come il cielo
bello come il giorno
bello come il mare
amore ma non lo so dire
amore bello come un bacio
bello come il buio
bello come Dio
amore mio non te ne andare
vai via cosi' no non e'giusto se e' cosi'
sei bella sai sei bella sai
vai via cosi' finisce allora tutto qui
fra poco andrai un lento l'ultimo oramai

quant'è vera sta canzone... vero?

It gets harder every day,
but I can’t seem to shake the pain
I’m trying to find the words to say… please stay,
it’s written all over my face,
I can’t function the same when you’re not here
I’m calling your name and no one’s there
and I hope one day you’ll see nobody has it easy,
I still can’t believe you found somebody new
but I wish you the best, I guess.
‘cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
how to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
we’ve heard it all before, that everybody knows
how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try
one more try
one more try
‘cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows

I don’t care what the people say
they brought it all in anyway
baby don’t fill up your head with he said, she said
it seems like you just don’t know
the radio’s on, you tuning me out,
I’m trying to speak, you’re turning me down
and I hope one day you’ll see nobody has it easy,
I still can’t believe you found somebody knew
but I wish you the best, I guess.
‘cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
how to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
we’ve heard it all before, that everybody knows
how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try
one more try
one more try
one more try
‘cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows

Oh I wish you’d understand
oh, just an ordinary man
listen we’d have known
everybody knows, but nobody really knows
and I know one day you’ll see, nobody has it easy
I still can’t believe you found somebody knew
I wish you the best, I guess.

‘cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
how to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
we’ve heard it all before, that everybody knows
how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try
one more try
one more try
one more try
‘cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows

everybody knows - john legend

la felicità non è avere quello che si desidera, ma desiderare quello che si ha

chi l'avrebbe detto che oscar wilde era anche un saggio... 

felicità, desideri, cose possedute... in questi giorni è stato un casino distinguere le 3 cose... 

cmq ha ragione lui... la chiave è desiderare quello che si ha... non viceversa... 

di cose ne abbiamo tante, tutti... ma come mai, a prescindere da quanto abbiamo, vogliamo sempre di più? ma come mai vogliamo sempre altro? o altri? ouch... 

mi fermo qui... forse ho già anche detto troppo... 

annoyed...

i wonder... why don't i just stop caring about people? why don't i just think about what suits me best, instead of trying to be nice and please others? i don't know... but i think i should... it would mean less emotional exposure, less involvement, less disappointment...
my sister booked 4 places to go to a blind dinner... one of them was supposed to be mine... until she decided to invite someone else, and pretended that our conversation about me going to that dinner with her never happend... just as she did last summer... when i offered to go camping with her over the midsummer week and she said she was definitely not going on holiday that week... in the end she went exactly that week and ended up camping on her own cause her two friends she went with were retarded...
this week i was supposed to stay over at a friend's house, cause she was alone... and because we wanted to use the time to catch up a little... then i found out she had invited someone else too... not that i need to be the only one all the time... but it's not that we hang out all the time... and i thought this time was supposed to be for us... she probably thought something different...
and i am not taking it the best way possible...

itching...

my fingers were sort of itching... not really, but i read it on heike's blog and sort of liked the expression... so here we are... here i am, at least... facebook sort of took the place of everybody's blog... well, my life is going on... is happening... without me knowing how much influence i can have or i have on what actually happens to me... sometimes i think i am being passive... not liking what is happening, not doing anything to change it...
i was talking to jeff the other day... he said something that sort of hit me... he said: you can't stear a ship that is not moving... i think it's something "uncle" george said many times...
u gotta move, u gotta try make a step in one direction... any direction... God will take it from there... adjust your course to where he wants to lead you...
i was feeling very unsatisfied at work, i wanted to leave, go away...
as soon as i "decided" i was gonna go away, i was gonna try to move to a different country, i started feeling better about what i do now...
as soon as i started moving the ship, and stear it towards a different country, my mindset changed about my own...
for months i thought God was using this year to make clear to me that this is NOT where i belong, that this is NOT where i am supposed to be... now i am not so sure anymore...
i am still very confused... but got my smile back... :-)

i thought i lost it...

now, you tell me if this is normal...
i was setting up a different blog... for compassion... and as you all know very well, i am not an IT queen... so, basically what happend is that i thought for the entire afternoon that i could not access my blog anymore... i know, now with facebook and all that, who needs a blog? but i still like to jurnalise on here every once in a while... anyways, it's all good now...

... something else i took with me from tanzania...

i don't think i wrote about this before, but i have now 2 sponsored children with compassion... well, actually 1 and a half, because one i sponsor together with my sister...

but this last one i got, is one of the children i got to meet when i was over there... and it's awesome to meet a child, and then decide to become his sponsor...

his name is joseph... and he is 6, turning 7 in june... and i know you must be dying to see a picture of this creature... so there it is...

now you tell me... how can you not fall in love with this creature?!?! he's the one i am holding... the other kid was just there... and the person who took the picture probably didn't know how to zoom...

anyways... he's an acrobat too... check this out...

i know, the picture is not very sharp... sorry, i suck... but you can tell what he's doing...

a tip... make a difference in someone's life... sponsor a child today (http://www.compassion.com/; http://www.compassion.it/)

back from tanzania...

... in love with africa more than ever... if possible...
their eyes, their smiles, their skin... them, just them... african people, in their simplicity, have captured my heart once again... i wish i stayed there... i wish i didn't have to leave, i wish all it takes is a packed bag and a plane ticket, one way...
maybe that's all it takes, after all... learing to live the way they do probably takes much effort, but surely it does not require resources of any kind... just a willing heart...

i have a heavy heart today... and it's not just because i've just come back from this trip... it's heavy because it's lonely... i thought, after a long time, maybe this loneliness found an end... but it's sadly not so... i wish i could say that i don't care, but i can't, 'cause i care...

feeling inspired...

... well, maybe inspiration is too big of a word... but i just thought i post a copy of the wine label i created for mws tour... very simple, but i quite like it... it's an opportuinty for all of you to appreciate my, let's say, creativity... lol...

the quote is something, isn't it? lol...

respect...

i had a "discussion" with someone at my office (the person who happens to be my "boss" - as much as i hate this word...) about respect...
for this big event of mws in italy, i forgot to follow up on something someone else had done... not on purpose, of course... as i said, i forgot... if it had been on purpose, i would have said "i purposely didn't do as i was told, cause i knew better" or something along this line...
the feeling of making a mistake is already not one's favourite feeling... if your boss practically tells you that the fact that you omitted something shows a lack of respect towards the work of someone else, well... that does not make you feel better, does it?
respect... i wonder if he even knows about respect... arranging a big event, or actually arranging any event, involves relationship building... word given to someone about things that need to happen... it involves a lot of efforts...
and i wonder if it shows respect when your boss comes and changes some of the things that were already set, without even telling you... or raises his voice to speak to you when he has no reason to do it, especially in front of people... mws himself or the cleaning lady... it doesn't even matter... i don't raise my voice when i speak to him... he has no right to do it with me... i am not deaf, not yet, and i can hear just as well at the normal, civil volume...
my reward after the show was knowing that mws, the management and the band really enjoyed working with me... joey said "you understand us... and i am not referring to the language... we want to work more with you..." this is my reward... cause in the office, all it was said so far is that i lacked respect...
my reward was seeing the crowd in "standing ovation" when the heard the first notes of agnus dei... the song i ask to add to the list...
my reward was mws coming to hug me thank you for the gift i brought for home - a bottle of my dad's wine - , even if i was told in the office that we need to focus on the more important things...
my reward was glenn saying he'd like to have a copy of the lable - something i had worked on in the middle of the night, to make it special... even if my boss had made the comment that i needed to focus on the more important things...
my reward was joey's face when he saw the welcome home sign on the bus... and his thank you for the little home made band who played traditional songs for him on the bus...

many other rewards...
i just wonder why all of them come from the outside... and none from the inside... inside of the office...

well... all i have to say is that i consider the naples concert a success... overall... all these other issues are just hickups... i just wonder why people see problems where there are none...

oh, i have to say something else... i know it's not all about rewards... i have learnt not to do it for the rewards... or for the boss... or anyone else... as we say on the ship (i know i am not there anymore, but my sense of belonging to the ship is still as strong as ever...), it's not what you do, but who you're doing it for... He will give you the reward you deserve... nothing more, nothing less... i guess that's what keeps me going... i guess that's what keeps His people going...

change...

i felt i had to change something... so i changed the template of my blog... maybe it's a first step towards blogging more... or maybe i was just bored and changed it...
man, it's already 11pm and i am still up doing stuff... i told myself i was gonna go sleep early... why do i even believe myself when i say this? lol... well, maybe i go...

coming soon... mws in italy...

i should really update this blog more often... sometimes it feels like i blink, and BANG... a month is already over... gone...
last friday i was able to go to karlsruhe for michael w smith's concert... i had never been to one before... and if i was already excited about the concert in naples coming up soon, now that i have seen one, i can't even explain how i feel... it will be an honour to be a host for michael and his band and all his entourage... i am really looking forward to see them all again... and i hope i will be able to spend some more meaningful time with them...