where do i start?! it's always advisable to start from the beginning... but where is the beginning?! maybe it's when i started asking God (see? i do capitalise some things!!!) to break me... two months ago after the sharjah line up i thought already i was broken into pieces... but i had no idea what i was gonna face next... and when i say next i don't necessarely mean right after that, i actually mean now... not that i am facing a disaster... but i am definitely learning some tough lessons... like total dependency on God and all this... it is much easier said than done... let's just take the whole line up in malaysia situation... i so wanted to go to thailand, that being here is being one of the hardest things i've had to do... challenging under many points of view... also giving up the weekend in phuket has not been easy at all... but at least now i have come to accept it... it's still sad that i cannot go, but i am not angry anymore...
i don't know what's wrong with me... i am so irritable... not that i am usually an angel, but i am usually not the witch i am being these days... i often prefer to be by myself, which is also very wierd, because i am usually scared of being alone... not scared because i am afraid of the bad wolf, but scared in the sense that it depresses me...
and i feel so lonely at times...
and... and... and...
3 comments:
Ema, (i use capital letter once in a while as well:)) read your blog... made me want to write some words of encouragement... but the thing is... i don't have any... except that you could have used your left hand right now to do you know what...:) i think you should try and start writing down the good things... praise God for the good things... and be carefull not to distance yourself from people and get more depressed... and now i am preaching at myself.... take care sister!
Hey Ema,
I feel with you!
Had similar thoughts these days... wonder if I am just a weirdo and hard to be, live and work with or what is it that's so wrong?! Find it so hard to live with conflicts (conflicts within me, maybe with others and the most horrible version the conflicts that are not open...) Ask God for help again and again... and then... when the rubber hits the road... I fail - again!!! Yeah, also prayed this dangerous prayer for God to break and mould me! But flip me... it HURTS and it doesn't stop... it takes so, so, so long!
But Ema, sister... don't give up! God doesn't give up either. I have no clue why we (women) are simply weird at times... must be some hormon stuff... I can't understand and explain it and that's why I don't like it! But again: don't give up! Focus on God!!!
heike, you arrogantly think that women are the only ones who go through weird things like life? lol!!! I think that's hilarious!
i've been down, distancing, hurting and all of that. still am sometimes. I think it is human. not 'woman'. (c: eat healthy, talk to God, take note of the small good things, and try to laugh when an opportunity comes. laughing is so good. God is better, but He helps us laugh.
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