if you want to walk on water, you gotta get out of the boat...

have you ever read this book... if not, make sure you do so asap... it's great...
we have been reading this book as a team every morning for the past almost 2 months... and it's been a blessing... there is so much more to this story of peter walking on the water, then what we usually focus on... this morning, for example, i was touched and encouraged by the thought that it's not about how much we can handle, but it's about how much God wants to use us for... and this is not new to any of you, i am sure... neither it is to me... but in times like this, where the ship is only 5 days away and so many things still need to be finalised... and we are getting sick... and, and, and... it's not about how much i can handle... it's about how much God wants to use me for... isn't that comforting?! i think it is... indeed...

aren't we cute?!?!

... i know... this last one is not really sharp... but i think it's sooo... well, just us... maybe you can just look better at our pretty faces in the other one... 3 angels... aren't we?!

for all those who requested them... that is only you, heiks...

from top to bottom... the doulos people at the wedding, the couple and the 2 witnesses, that is su ray and me... su ray for flavio and me for cinzia...

... the secret language again...

mamma mia... sti ultimi due giorni sono stati un inferno...ancora a caccia di i-nite venue a 3 settimane dall'arrivo della nave... il tipo continua a darsi scadenze e a non rispettarle... oggi sono andata a vedere altri due posti... si era detto di dare la priorita a qs i-nite venue, ma poi come al solito le promesse non sono state mantenute... e quindi punto e a capo... in piu, volevamo andare a buracay con seelan quando viene a trovarci... ma lui arriva ven tardi e non ce la facciamo a prendere l'ultimo traghetto per l'isola spettacolo... che nervi... e andare solo per una notte, non val la pena... lo so che c'e gente che muore di fame e che non e il caso di essere cosi drammatici... ma in qs giorni mi sembra che la legge di murphy mi abbia presa di mira... tutto cio che puo andare storto, va effettivamente storto... e ogni tanto mi devo solo sfogare...

fra...

... non credo proprio che serva essere un blogger per lasciare commenti... ci riesce persino mia madre, e lei non credo proprio che sia una blogger... haha
cercavo una foto recente di noi due, ma qs e l'unica che ho trovato... oh, ma possibile che non ce la siamo fatta una foto da sole io e te quando ci siamo viste?!?! vabbe... no comment...
un abbraccio... forte... e se vuoi venire a trovarmi, lo sai che il posto c'e... hint hint...

thinking about the good times in koeln...

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there
Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey, hey
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

the part i love the most is.. did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there... i wonder... am i missing someone while looking for myself?!

me... and my randomness...

i am a simple person... and i like simple things...
i love waking up in the middle of the night and think that i still have a buch of hours to sleep...
i like the smell of the rain...
i love the smell of the just mown grass...
i love surprising people...
i love being surprised by people...
i love singing at the top of my lungs when noone is listening...
i cry watching the kids playing a drama in the ML...
i cry when we sing all toegther in the ML "let your glory fall in this room, let it go forth from here to the nations..."
i like calling people not by their first name...
i like it when someone calls me something that is not my name...
i hate it when people call me emma with 2 m, because it's not my name...
i love being with people...
i hate being by myself...
i love watching the belly of a mum to be growing...
i cry holding a baby in my arms, amazed at the helplesness of that baby... thinking about my own helplessness...
i hate argueing... but i care way too much about what people think about me... and i hate it when i am being misinterpreted... so i tend to waste too many words in a useless attempt to explain myself...
i love hugs... and physical touch in general...
i love languages... different people, different races, different colours... my little piece of heaven...
i love to hear someone singing alto next to me... and i love it even more wheh i manage to sing it myself...
i like it when someone scratches my back... and i love doing it to other people...
i love making people smile... with a joke, with a surprise, with a gift, with a smile...
i don't like it when someone is hurt... regardless of if i am involved in the situation or not... it just breaks my heart knowing that someone is not doing well... and i'll try doing something about it... even if it doesn't always work...
i love giving gifts for no reason...
i usually cry when i sit in the audience and watch the i-nite finale...
i like laying down somewhere where is pitchdark and watch the stars...
i like listening to my father cracking jokes in our dialect...
i like teasing...
i love being teased...
i love God... and wish i was able to love others His way...
i feel pain for those who don't love Him...
i feel sorry for those who chose not to love Him...
i like romantic comedies...
i love laughing... and making other people laugh...
i don't like diplomacy, politics and formalities in general...
i love walking around barefeet...
i don't like feeling under trial all the time...
i don't like being afraid of making a mistake...
i don't like being scared in general...
i like big hands in a man...
i hate not being able to show my genuine love to someone... in a way that they understand it...
i don't like not being able to have normal conversation with someone i really esteme...
i don't like it when i don't understand... but i know i don't always have to understand...
i love it when i know someone is there for me no matter what... and i love it even more when someone knows that i'll be there for them, no matter what...
i love coffee...
i like kissing someone i like staring at him in the eyes...
i like compliments, even though i don't know how to handle them...
i love it when all it takes is a look...

in a radom order... but this is pretty much who i am...

day off...

aahh... so nice when you go to bed one evening knowing that you don't have to set your alarm clock for the next day, isn't it? i love waking up in the middle of the nigth, look at my watch and see that i still have 2, 3, 4 more hours of sleep... and i love that especially on my days off, because no matter what time it is when i wake up in the middle of the night or in the early morning, i can still have 2, 3, 4... hours of sleep... the small joys of life... the simplicity of the joys of life... well... let's see... what's on the plan for the day? i think a nice swim... and then a movie somewhere... and probably also dinner somewhere nice... not necessarely in this order... ah, and of course... we need to take some pictures... of the place... and of our pretty faces... what else? mmm... i think that's it...

getting around in bacolod...

... i don't need to comment that... do i?

41 now...

now that i am in the philippines... the number of visited countries goes up to 41... which would happen even if i was in cambodia... hint hint...

back to "normal life"...

... most people would call normal life the one they conduct at home... the ship has become normal life for me... extraordinarily normal... is "extraordinarily" even a word? anyways... back on the ship for 5 days and then off again... i'd love to be in cambodia now... but i have to be here... kurt asked me why i even joined line up... well... no comment... ;-) during the 5 short days on the ship i had to prepare for bacolod, where i am now, which i did in a very let's say light way... and also spend time with some people... kary and bonny are leaving before the ship gets here... it was sad to say goodbye... i still haven't gotten used to goodbyes... and i also spend time with other special people... yeah yeah... i also went to the market and got another pair of those fisherman trousers... crowded the market, huh?!

... old friends...

... that you never thought you'd see or talk to again... and then you talk to them again and it seems like time never went by... isn't it amazing? it's been good talking to you... you know who you are... you have not changed... hope to show you my neck sometimes soon... maybe i'll even let you touch it...

a new haircut... don't i look even nicer?!

i know... you don't really see too much of my haircut... it's actually not that different... but now it looks cooler... i am at alex's place now... she started calling me "cow eyes"... i am trying to explain to her that "deer eyes" would be much nicer... but she does not seem to understand that... she says my eyes are the biggest ever... but i don't really get that comment that often... it must be just her... who was the kiss for? but you, of course...

40 countries so far...

just so that you know... these 40 countries were not exactly only turism... but part of me... i am sure those of you who read this know what i am talking about...
is this considered boasting?! naaaa



create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide

half way through...

time really flies... 3 weeks alrealy gone... 3 weeks left... i am trying to go see as many people as possible, show them my pictures... find out about their lives... trying to catch up...
last sunday i got to share at my church... i was a bit concerned that i would be kind of bored of the service, because after 2,5 years of sunday services on board, i am used to a different style... of worship especially... God surprised me again... as we were singing one of those hymns, i liked the melody... sometimes i get distracted by the music and forget to think about the words... i almost started crying when we sang "He won hell and death"... i actually did cry... i wish i waited for the unexpected more often, instead of deceiving myself and expect the least from every situation, so that i cannot be disappointed... God is so much greater than anything i could ever imagine...

visiting friends...

wow... i have been home for just over a week and i already flew to naples once... and now i am going to visit friends all over the places... it's exciting... i am trying to visit as many people as possible... catch up with them... the wedding was great... i should post some pictures... but have not had time to sit down at the computer properly and write all this down... now i have to run again... have to go pack for my trip around italy... kind of...

home again...

for 6 weeks... so weird... i really feel out of place... a fish out of the water... don't know how to relate to people anymore... sometimes i feel invisible for others... at the wedding today i wanted to run away... go find a quite place... with noone around... i was so scared to come home... and now i see that i had more than enough reasons to be scared... it is not all in my mind, it really is difficult to fit into this reality again... i don't think i could fit here long term ever again... i know i cannot... a further confirmation that God really must have another plan... but what is it God? where do you want me to go?
tomorrow another wedding... cinzia's... i am so excited to go... it will be good... tiring but good... God, please let these not be the longest 6 weeks of my life... please please please...

... who reads this anyway?!

... a-team is awesome... i was wrong again with all my preconceived ideas... i cannot believe i lived my whole life thinking that my first impressions are right... i don't even wanna know how much i missed out in life... tonight naomi and i went to 2 cell meetings... we thought we go to one, but in the car they told us we go to two houses... so we kinda had to improvise a little... a lot... but hey... that's the ship and its randomness... but anyways... on our way back, the guy driving the van decided to take a "small nap", as he said... he just pulled off and startet snoring... we were wondering how long we were gonna be stuck in the middle of nowhere for, taking a nap at quarter past midnight... and who was gonna wake him up... luckily enough, he woke up by himself after less than 10 minutes... then he wanted to invite us for coffee, tea or milo... at almost 1am... crazy stuff... i should write more about tonight, cause it was hilarious... but it's almost 2am now... i gotta go get some sleep...

i know... it's been ages... i am still alive, though...

... alive and well... enjoyed phuket more than anything... for more than one reason... made some new friends... went on break and got a tan, but now it's almost gone already... sabbath week was cool... i really took time to rest... hardly ever went off the ship cause it only makes more tired than anything else... had to face some challenges and stuff... dealing with one particulare situation i was not prepared for... but now i am fine again... most days... and for the rest of the days, i manage to survive... i know, this is all not very specific... but everybody reads this... i cannot go into detalis... now that i am back on the ship, i cannot really update this blog properly... so it's hard to catch up randomly every 2 months or so...

God is so much greater than all my small prayers...

wow... for all these past 6 weeks i have been desperately looking for an opportunity to go to thailand, for a week end... the ship said no...it's impossible to go there for a day... i thought i had played all my cards... i was very disappointed... not necessarely upset, but just very sad that i could not go... i was praying... i could not understand why God wouldn't allow me to go... i mean, it's not a big thing that i was asking... just a weekend in thailand... then two days ago seelan calls me and says that he would like me to stay behing in penang, not go to langkawi and then rejoin the the ship in phuket... so i get to be there for the whole time... i almost cried when he told me... in His timing, He gave me so much more than i could ever ask... or imagine... and i am so excited... i already got my ticket to phuket... and cannot wait to go... these past 6 weeks of struggles seem just to be fading away... i am simply blown away... His eye is on the sparrow... indeed...

i had given up...

... for real... you remember the whole thailand story? how i so wanted to go there but was not allowed and all this???... actually... have i ever written anything about this whole story? well... anyways... now the going to thailand becomes a must, because i have to go there to renew my visa... and God knew it... haha... the wait for the unexpected proved to be real, one more time...

just thought i should say something...

... i miss the nature... i mean, there is a lot of nature out here, but it's a bit difficult to get to it without a car... taxis are kind of expensive, and also what should i say to the taxi man? please, take me to a parc... anywhere where there is some green...
hm... don't know if it's a good idea... God, i need you to surprise me with an amazing off day this coming saturday... with lots of green around me and possibly not too many people... i know you can do that... just, would you?!
i know... i am usually a people person... but maybe this is my season to be by myself... my introspective time... or maybe i am just growing old... :-(

you are an espresso...

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping Your caffeine addiction level: high

you are a sunrise...

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

mars and venus...

... sometimes i wonder if guys purposely misbehave just to annoy us... lately i already have so many things in my head... i don't need anybody to get on my nervs by acting like a child for no reason... is it just me, or it's really like that?

just to let you know...

... that i am doing a bit better... after a small clash with someone, i think we all have a better idea of how we actually feel...
i don't know if this is enough, but it is certainly a start... so there needs to be a continuation... which will require a lot of work from my side... because i will have to show more my vulnerability... which is something that just doesn't come natural with everybody...
why am i being so cryptic?! i still miss my two angels... they would know who they are... but they probably will never read this... but they know i miss them anyways...
hm... was trying to find some pics to put here, but i don't really have many... my weekend resolution will be to take more pics... of the house, the place, the nature... and me, of course... ;-)

plans...

skype is a good invention... a brilliant one!!! i spoke to timon the other day and it must have taken us probably 3 minutes before we made a plan for him and christy to come to flavio and cinzia's wedding... haha... well... i don't know if most of you would call it a plan, but timon and i call it like that... most details we don't know yet, but they are coming... sleeping at my house one night on the way down and one night on the way up... we are possibly also trying to go to rome for a day... i need to find a guide, 'cause i've been to rome just once and don't really know my way around... man, i am so excited... also because i can drive up to germany with them and can go visit heike, alex (she doesn't know yet...), maybe my friend from university who lives now in innsbruck... wow... something to look forward to... definitely... last time i saw cnt they were the ones getting married... and last time i saw my soulsister was genuary 2005... an eternity ago... hey heiks, remember this?

ohne aermel kann man jetzt nicht mehr rumlaufen auf der doulos... hm...

stream of thoughs...

where do i start?! it's always advisable to start from the beginning... but where is the beginning?! maybe it's when i started asking God (see? i do capitalise some things!!!) to break me... two months ago after the sharjah line up i thought already i was broken into pieces... but i had no idea what i was gonna face next... and when i say next i don't necessarely mean right after that, i actually mean now... not that i am facing a disaster... but i am definitely learning some tough lessons... like total dependency on God and all this... it is much easier said than done... let's just take the whole line up in malaysia situation... i so wanted to go to thailand, that being here is being one of the hardest things i've had to do... challenging under many points of view... also giving up the weekend in phuket has not been easy at all... but at least now i have come to accept it... it's still sad that i cannot go, but i am not angry anymore...
i don't know what's wrong with me... i am so irritable... not that i am usually an angel, but i am usually not the witch i am being these days... i often prefer to be by myself, which is also very wierd, because i am usually scared of being alone... not scared because i am afraid of the bad wolf, but scared in the sense that it depresses me...
and i feel so lonely at times...
and... and... and...

... what i want...

... is not necessarely what i need... and what i get is not necessarely what i want, but most certainly what i need... a hard lesson i am learning right now... just thought i share it with you guys...
have a great day!

... a brand new week

has started... i read this morning about being faithful in the small things, in order to be entrusted with bigger things... which brought my memories back to the diego line up, where we were learning memory verses every day... "unless you are faithful in the small matters, you won't be faithful in the large ones"... i forgot the reference, but i still remember the verse... it made me even more nostalgic... i miss you guys sooooo much!

i made it...

after 3 hours at starbucks with the wireless connection... it's free, but you need to order something, so i had to have a few frappuccino... but after 3 hours i think i set up the basics of my blog... aren't you proud of me? just a little bit? not at all?... well... i am... and i will let you know the address of my blog asap...

familiarising...

with this totally new world... well, it's new for me at least... but i kind of browsed through other people's stuff... and i find it really interesting... an easy way to share your thoughts with the rest of the world... at least with those with a voyeur spirit... and the rest of the world after you've been on doulos becomes so much smaller...
two things you need to know about me...
first thing... i hate capital letters, so i never capitalise anything... almost anything... there is one thing i always capitalise... you'll find out what it is...
second thing... i litterally abuse the three dots ... you need to understand that these ... are the pauses i would make if you and i were having a conversation right now... it's the time i take to think what to say next...
well... so much as introduction... the rest either you know already or you'll find out along the way...
ah... almost forgot to say where i am now... have a look at the picture... you guess...